The desire beneath jealousy ࿈
What if 🐉 jealousy🐍 could be a gift that shows us what we truly ✨desire✨, if we could just get out of our own way enough to see what’s beneath the surface? Meeting jealousy with the intention of somatic inquiry (an embodiment practice!), and feeling into what’s really there.
Because the truth is, jealousy is an organic part of the human experience. And more often than not, this feeling that we pretend we don’t experience can act like a 🧭 compass: its needle spinning wildly at first, but if we pause long enough, it steadies and points toward what we deeply yearn for.
🪞 Sometimes the person or thing we envy is simply holding up a mirror to our own desires… desires that are waiting to be named and felt.
In our culture, especially in the last few years, I’ve seen jealousy be widely shamed or dismissed. We’re told we shouldn’t feel it, especially toward friends or peers (we’ve all seen those memes that preach how ‘women need girlfriends who think they’re amazing no jealousy, no competition’ etc etc.)
But pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. The more we shove it down, shame it, and tell people they shouldn’t feel it… the more it lodges in the body, coiling, tightening, waiting to be felt.
What if, instead, we normalized jealousy? What if we de-shamed it, allowed it to be felt within, and learned ways to meet it with curiosity?
When we do, jealousy can actually transform from a monster or shadow we hide from into an 💌 invitation 💌 … an opportunity to meet our own desires, and reclaim parts of ourselves we’ve been ignoring.
And because I’ve promised to be really real in this work, I’ll be the first to say that jealousy is no stranger to me. Many times, I’ve both felt it in my own body, and been on the receiving end of it.
When I feel jealous of something or someone, I often feel it somatically begin in my face. My inner teenager comes out, rolling her eyes, agitation expressing across my cheeks and lips. But when I feel one layer deeper, I notice a coiling in my belly, like a snake awakening, desire stirring beneath the surface. Pointing me towards a longing I hadn’t yet allowed myself to name and claim.
Beneath jealousy there can be longing, unspoken needs, forgotten parts of ourselves that ache to be remembered. If we meet jealousy with curiosity instead of shame, it can guide us toward what we actually want. Our deepest desires. And even inner child parts that are longing to be tended to.
Let’s put this into a hypothetical example: imagine you see a friend launch a creative project that takes off. She had loads of financial and emotional support through it all, and the project gleans tons of public attention. Suddenly, jealousy rises quickly within you. Maybe it arises as a tightening in your chest, a stirring in your belly, and thoughts like “Why not me?” or “She doesn’t deserve it as much as I do.”
If you pause and turn toward yourself with curiosity, something deeper might begin to emerge. Beneath the sharpness of the jealousy, you might find a younger part of you. An inner child part who longed for recognition, who wanted someone to clap for her when she shared her gifts, and have allll the support she needed. Alongside that tender younger part, you may also notice very real desires in your adult self. Perhaps the desire to be more financially supported in your projects, the desire to express your creativity more fully and in an uninhibited way, or (once again) the desire for recognition. This messages are important. They can reveal where your needs went unmet, where your desires were silenced, and invite you to get curious about how those needs might be met today… perhaps in new, creative, and unexpected ways!
When we listen in this way, jealousy stops being something to hide. Instead, it becomes a bridge.
My invitation for you: next time jealousy arises, pause. Notice where it lives in your body. Place a hand there and breathe. Ask gently:
✨ What desire is hidden here?
✨ If jealousy was a messenger, what would it be asking me to reclaim?
✨ Are there any inner child parts that are activated right now
This is how jealousy transforms from a shadow we want to push away into a compass that points us home to ourselves.